Picabo's Goggles

Everything changed when Picabo discovered goggles!  Previously, our sensitive 5 year old was terrified of putting her head under water.  She loved swimming, just not going under.  And then one day, with a new pair of goggles strapped snuggly around her head, and following her sister’s lead, Pica submerged.  And just like that, all the fear was gone. 

In retrospect it makes sense...  Without goggles it’s hard to see under water.  It’s the fear of the unknown that seized her.  And I know the feeling.   

The interesting thing for me, as I’ve watched Picabo battle her fears over the past 5 years of her little life, is that I’ve become even more aware of the fears in my own life.  I’m amazed at how much I’ve allowed fear to take root in my life.  Fears over the kids, money, security, the future, and so on...

When we began this sabbatical, I was so overwhelmed with fear that I couldn’t sleep through the night for the first week or two - afraid something horrible was going to happen to the kids and to us on the journey...  

But over the past couple months God has truly done something amazing in my head and in my heart.  He’s given me my own set of goggles, in the form of His Spirit.  The power of the Holy Spirit to bring truth and give sight is an amazing thing.  The Spirit puts all things in perspective and allows God to be the One we put our hope in.  It all comes down to hope and the knowledge that we are in His hands.  And, the belief that He will not give us more than we can handle...

“It requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us...”

“The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future.  The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment.  The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future.  Why?  Because God has signaled the movement and offered his presence and his promise.”

“Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting Jesus died for it...”

-  Brennan Manning, “Ruthless Trust - The Ragamuffin’s Path to God”

Perhaps it was the letting go of everything familiar in our lives, the challenge of being out on our own, or simply the stopping of all things busy, but this trip has truly pressed us into Him.  Our future, as Matt said so well in A Handful of Diamonds, is as unknown as ever before, but I’m grateful He’s allowed His Spirit to be so present and tangible during this time, during the day we’re in...  With Pica’s goggles and my own, fear is losing it’s power over our lives. 

Jesus, we thank you that you sent your Spirit and we ask your forgiveness for our fear. Forgive our un-belief, our making you small, and our lack of trust in YOU.  You are worthy and faithful.   

Stuffed

Perhaps it is the two giant stuffed dogs that a stranger won in Reno and kindly gave to our girls.  Perhaps it is the two Pooh bears Matt and I got suckered into buying at Disneyland, so the girls could have a ‘keepsake.’  Maybe it’s just the added addition of our puppy – Bella; or maybe it’s all of these things combined... but recently I have been amazed at the excess in our lives.

Yes, we sold our house, reduced our lives to 250 square feet but I’m still amazed at all that we’ve managed to stuff into this home on wheels. 

Admittedly, I felt a loss in the spring when we sold our beautiful home, on a beautiful street in the neighborhood of my youth.  I felt a loss when we sold all the funky, eclectic furniture we’d acquired over 13 years of marriage.  But then, slowly, as we set out on our journey, there came a certain lightness of being (as Matt explained in “Learning 250”).  We learned with each passing day that our attempt at simplicity and the drastic reduction of “stuff” was incredibly freeing...  Everything slowed down.  Ironically, life became a lot less crowded – even though we were living in a smaller space.

But lately I have become very aware of how much stuff we still have...  Our closets (1/8^th the size of normal closets in an average middle class home) are still filled with clothes, half of which none of us have worn on this trip so far.  We just came back from a huge grocery shop where we didn’t even flinch at our $200 grocery bill (which included some non-essentials, like a cheap DVD player, since our other one broke).  I can’t believe we are still able to live lives of excess, even in such small living space!

...And I wonder what Jesus thinks of it all?

Here we are on the doorstep of celebrating His Birthday, and I’m focusing on what I’ll buy for my two kids who already have too much.  As people who say that they follow Christ, aren’t we supposed to be choosing something different?  Shouldn’t we be continually striving to follow His example, and hoping that our lives might look more like His? 

If Jesus were here today, would we catch a glimpse of him at the local mall, purchasing those perfect gifts for Peter, James and Mary?  Actually, given that it’s Christ’s B-day, would we find Paul or Peter, James or Luke, shuffling through the crowds to buy Jesus a bath robe?

We have way more than most of the population, and still we want more...  We rationalize this lust for more with maxims of tradition and love for our family.  That’s what I do.

Proverbs 30:8-9 says, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ 
Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.”

I pray that we who love Jesus would not disown Him this season, in order to make those around us a little more stuffed. 

Jesus, forgive us for how we’ve stuffed our lives with things we don’t need, built bigger barns to house it all, and forgotten that we, who have been given so much, are required to give more away... even our lives.  May you lead us all to become servants and friends to the poor and those in need, as an act of saying “I love you...and thank you for this life.”

Check Out: www.adventconspiracy.org

You're Beautiful

I haven’t written in a while...  It’s been an amazing time of being so present to my kids, Matt and to God, but I haven’t felt a need to document it.  I’m just enjoying my time with them.  The one revelation worth mentioning was born out of Sabbath.

It seems tears fall in heavy repetition down my cheeks a lot lately. I am deeply moved every time my thoughts turn to Jesus and to how thankful I am.  Even as I write the word ‘thankful’ I can feel the familiar lump begin to rise in my throat...

Overwhelmed at His goodness to us as a family...  I’m not sure when I’ve felt His love quite like this... I want so much to love Him back because of it.

I think the reason for this profound clarity of His love is simple – I’ve never really stopped before.  Sounds crazy, but stillness has never been a part of my life’s vocabulary.  No exaggeration.  Ever since I can remember, I’ve strived, pursued, sought, thought, multi-tasked and busied myself silly. 

Matt can attest to this.  Practically every night throughout our marriage, he teases me by ‘clicking my nose’ to shut off my brain, just so I can fall asleep!

There really is something to this thing called “Sabbath.”  Chalk me up as a slow learner, but I think I’m finally getting it.  Sabbath is a time where stillness reigns. A time where we are able to revel in His love and grace, and not because of anything we can do for Him.  We can do this because He is Love and we are His, and He is Good... And I am overwhelmed at the extravagance of it all. 

We all have so much to be grateful for...

Are there clothes in your closet?  Is there food in your refrigerator?  Do you have a bed, a place to stay, and people who love you and know your name?  Me too.  And we are free from oppression.  We have clean water to drink.  And most of us have supply of “daily bread” stashed away... Isn’t that beautiful?

There is a song that I’ve discovered since we’ve been on the road (it really seems to help those tears along).  Take a moment to listen to it and join me in telling Jesus how Beautiful He is.  Then take the time to REST, and listen to the song again... This time allow Him to sing the chorus -- back to you.

Song: “You’re Beautiful” by Phil Wickham

Jesus you are so good to us and so great.  We give all we have and everything we are to Thee, our precious Savior.  May we live our lives passionately for You and Your Kingdom --  for You Are Beautiful!

Glitter

What do you do when you’re in Los Angeles, and you’ve got two little kids longing to go trick-or-treating, and everything you’ve read on-line says that Halloween is the most dangerous night to be out in L.A?  Well, it seems they’ve thought of everything here in the City of Angels -- you head to the local mall for a Halloween party! 

And so we did...

Indiana dressed up as Woody from Toy Story, and Picabo as a fairy, with glitter wings to boot.  As always, the girls insisted that Matt and I dress up (honestly, never a hard sell for us).  So, Matt joined Indi as a cowboy and I joined Pica as a mommy fairy!

In our haste to make it on time for the mall festivities, we left Dusty in a bit of a mess. Two hours later we returned with loot bags filled, kids more than happy, and two extremely over-tired parents, grateful Halloween was conquered in L.A!

The harsh realization upon returning home to Dusty, was that there was glitter everywhere!  Cheap dollar store fairy wings be damned!  Close your eyes and imagine the inside of a Disco ball, and, well, you see what we see.

After a good sweep and a vacuum (and another sweep, and another vacuum), it still looks like the set of a dancing show in Las Vegas.  We have all since concluded that a little permanent sparkle isn’t the worst thing that could happen to Dusty; isn’t the worst thing that could happen to any of us, really.

...I’ve been reading about the lives of some really inspiring people lately; people that I’d like to be like.*  People who really have sparkled in this world, and really made a difference with their lives. 

Lately this verse keeps coming up...

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. 

[Matthew 5:14-16]

It’s more than the song we learned in Sunday school (“This Little Light of Mine”), and it’s far more than ‘asking Jesus into our hearts.”  Are we living our lives in such a way that the light and the hope of Christ shine through?  Are we representing Jesus in every decision we make?  And is God glorified by what we do?

That last part of the verse is the kicker for me.  “That they may see your good deeds and PRAISE YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN.”  That means that people won’t see me and go “wow, Blaise is so Christ-like,” rather they would only see Christ - - and give Him praise.

Jesus, may there be something in my life that glitters and shines like a city on a hill, so that YOU and YOU ALONE may be praised.  And, where I’ve settled for cheap dollar store wings so THAT I MIGHT BE NOTICED and FIND PRAISE... I ask your forgiveness.

Post Script: One person in our life that continues to glitter is a man named John Deacon.  Some of his best friends are the homeless on the streets of Toronto.  He doesn’t throw them charity and walk on, but offers dignity through friendship and time spent together. Please take time to check out his blog and get inspired...  A Visitor's Guide to the Homeless

* Chapter Nine in Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love” has a great list of people who sought to live their lives fully surrendered to God.  If you haven’t read this book, I encourage you to do so...

Midway Rides

Strangely content in a Wal-mart parking lot; who’d of thought... Make no mistake, I’m not a fan of the giant, take-over-the-world corporation, but staying in their parking lot for free, for the past couple of days, has felt like a little oasis.  

Let me paint a picture...

Several consecutive grey days.  We had nowhere to be until Sunday. The kids were overtired and not especially inclined to run around.  And we were feeling the need to save some money.  Across the parking lot we discovered a Borders (U.S. version of Chapters), and it had free Wi-Fi and a Starbucks!  What more could an Internet junky, book loving, caffeine-addicted girl ask for!  

Of course, there were some cons... Sharing the huge parking lot with us was an over-priced Midway, with rides and games and lights and cotton candy – the whole nine yards!  There was, of course, the need to explain to the kids why we’re not about to spend $5 per ride, per kid, and it’s difficult to fall asleep amid the shrieks and screams of the carnival-goers, helicopters that circle overhead, and the sweet sound of car alarms randomly going off till the late hours...

At around midnight, the bizarre sound-scape subsided and we found ourselves mostly alone in the parking lot.  Come morning, when we woke and opened our eyes, if we lay very still, the muffled, repetitious sounds of the freeway sounded just like the lapping waves of the ocean...

Perhaps we’re feeling a little too relaxed (it has been just over a month now on the road), but our last couple of days in a Wal-mart parking lot were a couple of our best days so far.  Maybe it’s just me that’s changed, but I’m definitely feeling way more present – and I’m loving the little things.  The girls are teaching me that.

It’s an amazing privilege to step back from our lives and the pace that we used to maintain.  It’s an amazing privilege to move slow; so slow that we can enjoy a couple of days in a Wal-Mart parking lot.  I think that more often than not our lives are like those over-priced Midway rides...  It’s been really nice to just get off and watch.

We Are Prostitutes

We went to Bethel Church in Redding, California, this morning for their Sunday morning gathering.  Bethel is home to ‘Jesus Culture’ and some of the most amazing worship songs being written at the moment.  For a worship leader, it’s like heading to Mecca ...or so I thought. 

To be honest, I’m not sure which was more heartbreaking, being with the Mormons last week or being at Bethel Church today.  Read our blankpagerevival blog to get a better sense of our experience.  For me, as I sat and watched, and listened, I felt compelled to write this...

Father forgive us for how

We prostitute your Kingdom

And sell you like a cheap suit

To the highest bidder...

Father forgive us for

All that we build and we acquire

And build some more

In Your Name

Oh, the shame...

Father forgive us for

How we peddle your wares

Never stopping to think

How You must care

What’s for sale and

What’s NOT supposed to be

For sale...

Father forgive us for

Seeking only to be blessed

For selling Heaven

And packaging prosperity

For merchandising MORE

Not less...

Father forgive us for

Nickel-and-diming

And taking up

Yet another offering

So we can have

Great lighting,

Boom cameras,

And the latest LCD projectors,

ALL in the name

Of furthering Your Kingdom...

Father forgive us for

Putting Your name

On our church buildings

On our loot

On our lives

And calling it ‘blessing’

While others go hungry

While others remain homeless

And while there is injustice in this world...

Forgive us, Father

For we have

SINNED

And fallen short

So very

Very far

From

You...

Jesus Has Left the Building

Sunday, October 10^th, was declared “Mormon Tabernacle Choir Day” by the Governor of Utah.  How do I know?  Well, instead of finding a local gathering of believers to worship with last Sunday morning, we decided to visit Temple Square and hang out with the Mormons.  I figured it was sort of that ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do’...or, ‘When in Salt Lake City, Utah’ sort of thing.

We were picked up bright and early by the cheerful ‘missionaries’ who provide a free shuttle from the campsite to the Temple (free is always a great thing!).   They told us how to act and what to expect during the service (it’s a televised event, so there are rules).   Those that manned the large iron gates were eager to welcome us; “We’re so glad you’ve joined us” was mentioned half a dozen times by each person we met.  Needless to say, we felt very welcomed.

...So far, this was kind of like going to any “regular church.”

Strange, really.  There were lots of similarities.  Great music - the Mormons can really sing!  (There’s nothing like 350 voices singing in perfect pitch and harmony.)  There was a short, simple message; we’re talking 7 – 8 mins max.  The gyst: “Don’t harbour bitterness.”  Can’t disagree with the content... or the length.  The lighting, the boom camera, the production value: definitely, on par with Willow Creek; the only thing missing was the jumbo-tron!

The thing that was missing, if you were really looking for it, was Jesus.  In fact, the show was so great and the music so good, you could have almost missed it.  But truly, Jesus was pushed to the side.  In fact, I think He’d left the building...

The people we spoke to claimed Jesus; we just didn’t see Him anywhere.  Isn’t that the real issue with the broad range of those who claim Christ?

We can wear the smile and welcome others.  We can have great music and an up-lifting message, and we can have great production value -- all the bells and whistles, really.  We can even praise Jesus in Sunday morning gatherings; there is still the question:  Do the lives of Christ-followers look different from the lives of others?  Every day?  In every choice?  If we were honest, would we admit that most of the time Jesus is an ad-on in our lives; kind of like insurance?  Or, has Jesus left the building?

As John Piper writes in his book God Is the Gospel:

The critical question for our generation – and for every generation – is this:  If you could have heaven, with no sickness and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?

Are we really in love with Jesus, and do our lives reflect that love in the way we live, and not just how we gather on a Sunday?  Am I?

I think my prayer right now, for the body of believers called “Christians,” would take the words of A.W. Tozer, from The Pursuit of God: 

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more.  I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.  I am ashamed of my lack of desire.  O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still.  Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.  Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.  Say to my soul, “Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.”  Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.